:: Saturday, August 31, 2002 ::

"If I could bottle my hopes in a store bought scent,
They'd be nutmeg peach and they'd pay the rent..." (3EB)

Amazing, the secret lives that people lead, far away from prying eyes or substance or reality... lives where wishes come true if the desire is sincere enough... lives in which a girl is everything to the boy who barely knows of her existence... lives where the everlasting is bound up in small moments, such as a drop of rain or a well-placed smile... lives that consume under the surface, always on the verge of blossoming into fact, but never doing so. I sometimes wonder if that is our inbred desire for heaven, clamoring to be heard above so much mundane noise.
Mi apologinos... our apartment is 87 degrees F and rising... my thoughts aren't circulating as clearly as they should.

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:: Bethany Bassett - 4:26 PM :: + ::

"This blessed sip of life..." (DMB)

Productivity has fled. Good intentions are such pretty things until you realize they are only a mockery. So I was going to read 50 pages and write 2 papers tonight. Instead, one of the male dorms needed my "help" in bridge-jumping. Is this becoming a weekly habit? I'm glad I went though... after bailing out of every other planned activity for this weekend (Schlitterbahn, sky-diving, costume party, pool party...), I feel rather like a nerd and a wretch. Although I'm beginning to see the good side of nerdiness...
As I told Dan earlier, the original plan tonight was to blog about psycholology, seeing as how it's been on the brain lately. However, it's about 3 hours later than I was hoping for bed, and I shouldn't push the limits too far. See what I mean about good intentions? I'm off to commune with my pillow; many hopes that you are doing the same.

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:: Bethany Bassett - 1:54 AM :: + ::

"Yeah, how long must you wait for it?" (Coldplay)

Peanut-butter M&M's in the afternoon laziness... The air is scented with autumn hopes, the evidence of things unseen.
Classes are not grabbing me with ambition like usual this year. I often find myself staring off, not into space, but into a whole different world... There is never a moment when music is not shimmering in my head, when idyllic scenes don't vie for my attention. For all my logical tendencies, I’m a daydreamer to the core. Unfortunately, “we at LeTourneau University” frown on imaginary adventures while class is in session.
So strange to be a bonafide upper-classman. Time here moves at the speed of chaos, though not quickly enough for dreams. Sometimes it feels like I’ve never not been a college student, but only yesterday I was learning that “Saga” refers to the cafeteria (and everything therein), where to buy textbooks, and which professors to avoid if sanity holds any value.
I’m not exactly listless, but I’m dissatisfied. Life is too short to always be waiting and preparing for that elusive Someday. I feel like I have more potential now than ever again to experience life, fall in love, devote myself to scratching the surface of eternity. Any wonder why classwork = stagnation in my mind?
I won’t leave school. I won’t give up my academic pursuit because of boredom. However, I won’t wait for Someday to start. Where there are people, there are opportunities; when used properly, opportunities can yield the greatest beauty in God’s imagination.
Thus commences Operation Life. Hello world, so glad you could come…

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:: Bethany Bassett - 2:38 PM :: + ::

"If I wasn't such a sucker for you..." (JM)

John's performance last night was the fastest and most enchanting 2 hours of my recent life. Good music is a drug -- addictive, mind-altering, another realm of experience, and a wee bit expensive. Mix it with starry lights, beautiful friends, and... well, John Mayer, and the result is rather nirvana-like. You can try to scrape me off the ceiling, but I can't guarantee you'll have success.
Second day of classes, and I am already doubting my ability to pull off 24 hours. Granted, I am a tutor in four of the ten classes, but my time and energy are simply transferred from homework to class preparation. Dr. C., life cannot possibly get busier after college. No, it can't. No, it can't. Truly and with all honesty, a mud-hut life sounds more appealing every day.
Once classes get into full swing, I know I will have plenty to post about. Maybe if I expend my sarcasm online, it won't come out in the classroom? That's the idea, anyway.
Have a great day, folks... and if you have a chance, find a cool concert and get high legally!

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:: Bethany Bassett - 1:09 PM :: + ::

"Sometimes I wish that I was the weather..." (John Mayer)

I love days like this, when thunderstorms let loose without consideration, when tomato soup can solve a world of ills, when fuzzy socks are comforting, and forgetting your umbrella gives you license to play.
Today is burgundy. Today is Jennifer Knapp. Today is curling up in a blanket. Today is lovely chaos.
Class calls; I'll update later, dizzy from John.

P.S. - Today you should use the phrase "By the pricking of my thumbs..." in everyday conversation.

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:: Bethany Bassett - 11:45 AM :: + ::

"Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you, tomorrow..." ("Annie")


'Nuff said.

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:: Bethany Bassett - 11:11 PM :: + ::

"She done R-U-N-O-F-T..." ("O Brother, Where Art Thou?")

Heaven forbid that this weekend should have any down time. Relaxation -- who needs it? Solitude -- highly overrated! Time to unpack, buy books, and deal with a new semester -- surely you don't need that! We here at LeTourneau believe in sleeping as little as is mortally possible. So there was Rant #1.
Rant #2: In theory, I am a Freshmen Experience leader. I am the one to answer your questions, direct you to any conceivable location, and demonstrate every facet of LeTourneau life (in a favorable light, of course). In actuality, I am the one to smile, nod, and act excited over events I know nothing about. Basically, we were handed 3 opposing schedules and expected to lead the freshmen through this infernally busy weekend. "Sorry, I have no idea what 'Keys to Academics' is, but I know you should be there at either 9:00, 9:30 or 11:00 this morning."
While I'm ranting, I have to put in a word for John Morglia (very questionable spelling). He made a pottery/Gospel presentation tonight. I have seen him 5 times before at LU, and he never improves. Soft-spoken man with white hair and a dirty cap pulled over his eyes... One hour of non-sequitur ramblings, interspersed with flat jokes and the most incongruous analogies I've ever heard...
Apparently, we are clay. We are hands. We are engineers, architects. We need to have perspective. We need to be clay pots. We need to not be cracked. God wants to use cracked pots. Why don't cannibals like Pentecostals? Because they keep throwing up their hands. Our hearts are clay and full of themselves. God wants to take away our heart so we can be empty. We need to be empty. We need to be full. We want to be sewage tiles. We can't have eyes but no ears. We should become attached to dirtballs. If we have too much, we will be weighed down. The bigger our heart is, the weaker we are. We need to be weak. We want to be strong. Clay is faith. Jesus said, "I will make you fishers of men." We can scrape the bottoms off and make them into new hearts. I'm not really a potter; I'm just pulling this out of the table real slow. You can't understand the Bible if you don't understand it. Are any of you shepherds? We need to have soft hearts. We need to take our hearts away. You can't see this because you don't know the glaze formula. We need to shape the tops. We need to be washed away by the rain. We need the rain to fill us up. The rain has nothing to do with it. We need to resist against God molding us. For an hour and six minutes...
Ok, negativity is out of my system for now. I love getting to know new students and their parents. I have been in one of my elements meeting and greeting and shining with the presence of inner smiles. I have had a blast with my teammates so far. Engineers are utterly cool once you get to know them, and there is no bonding quite like sweaty human knots and giant shaving cream fights. The fun doesn't end until late Monday night, so I'm sure there will be plenty to say later on. I know one paragraph of pleasantness doesn't quite make up for three rants, but the last few days have been very smile-worthy. Really. No, I promise!
I'm way past pumpkin time tonight (well, this morning). I'm off to a few hours of sleep, and then a service project at either 7:00, 7:45, or 8:00 in the morning. Mm mmm, almost too much fun to stand! G'night all, and have a beautiful one.

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:: Bethany Bassett - 2:01 AM :: + ::

"Aqueous transmission..." (Incubus)

So much for going to bed early tonight. One giddy car ride, two tests of courage, and nineteen demon-insect bites later, I am a more fulfilled and tired individual. I won't tell you what I did (something about the 5th Amendment?), but it involved a bridge and alligator-infested water. I love East Texas.
Tomorrow you should smile at someone you don't know.

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:: Bethany Bassett - 1:48 AM :: + ::

"Although I've said too much, I haven't said enough..." (REM)

A topic that's been resurfacing a good deal lately is honesty. Over the summer, I put a lot of thought into the concept as a whole -- is there such a thing as being too honest? Does it necessarily accomplish more harm than good to be completely transparent?
The subject has come up recently on Amy's blog about how much to say online. If I'm vague and impersonal, then there will be an element of pointless mystery. If I give ordinary facts about my life, then nothing distinguishes me from any other Joe Schmoe in the online world. If I admit when I'm not doing so great, or explain when my universe is glowing... show my real self without fearing who will see it... then I am able to inspire and connect. It's my blog anyway!
However, it seems many people are against the idea of complete openness. I can't figure out if that is legitimate wisdom or just conventionality. I wouldn't consider myself a hard-core liberal, and oftentimes I feel like a Piglet facing "H-h-h-heffalumps and w-woozles!", but I am gung ho about disobeying tradition. The Tevye's of the world and I do not exactly get along.
So where do I go from here? Keep it down to a light-hearted surface scratching? Show some deeper excavations and risk "brutal honesty"? May the audience have the last word.

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:: Bethany Bassett - 2:39 AM :: + ::

"For shade to shade will come too drowsily, and drown the wakeful anguish of the soul..." (John Keats)

Apologies for the blatant pessimism these last few days. So maybe life's not peaches and cream, but that would be too boring anyway. ("Peaches and cream... Come on girl, it's a dream..." ~Beck)
In other news, I enjoy the apartment, although my possessions seem to shrink once inside. I guess I came with the subconscious notion that the apartment would be the same size as my dorm room; with everything spread out, there is quite a bit of white space.
I'll update later... I just didn't want to leave you all with the impression that I was wallowing in misery. Till then, hooray for Christmas lights, chocolate pudding, and bare feet!

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:: Bethany Bassett - 12:33 PM :: + ::

"A sentence suspended in air..." (Travis)

Quiet walls, the acute aloneness after a busy weekend... I'm realizing that summer was only a hiatus in the interlude of life here. How can this semester be starting so differently, yet be a continuation of last?
I could post exactly what I want right now, but wouldn't that be a cry for attention -- like insulting yourself to get compliments, or idling up next to a masseuse and complaining about your back pains? Praise loses most of its worth when it is asked for; hugs lose a great deal of warmth when they are solicited. I should follow the Golden Rule and do something special for someone else feeling lonely tonight.

"Dear diary,
What is wrong with me?
'Cos I'm fine between the lines..."

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:: Bethany Bassett - 9:30 PM :: + ::

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end..." (Semisonic)

I went to the IMPACT retreat with an unhealthy level of cynicism. I was expecting a sequel to last year's disaster, and "Dr. Larry A. Mercer," the featured speaker, coneyed images of a pompous, balding man with a religious ego to match his considerable girth. I was pleasantly surprised when a wiry black man wearing a glorified t-shirt made his way to the front, and proceeded to make God's love clearer than I've ever heard before. After the first night's session, I went out to a porch swing. I sat there alone in the beauty of trees by starlight and just talked to God. I didn't play my stupid game of "I'm too confused, too beat down, too screwed up to pray." I just talked to Him about everything, and His arms were around me, a quiet fulfillment whispering, "I love you, Bethany Grace Smith."
The retreat as a whole was very good, possibly more so because of my glum expectations. I always enjoy seeing people again... but of course, there are always Confusing Things. Something like a constant mental swirlie. If there was just one Confusing Person, I could rationalize the trouble away. However, when one becomes a few, and a few become many, the mixture of thoughts and feelings take off to places even I can't reach.
So strange, this front we always have and always will put up. I wonder what would happen if I told some people that certain things they do make me want to throw up and cry, or if I told others that everything inside smiles when I see them? But no. There is only one happy medium, which basically involves a lot of enduring. What would it take to be completely real with everyone I come into contact with? Not just the real of genuine smiles, but the real that strips off layers from the heart... the real that leaves others knowing me... the real that dissolves pretentions and exposes intentions...
Perhaps in another life, when we are both cats.

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:: Bethany Bassett - 1:01 AM :: + ::

"When life gives you lemons, throw them at someone!" (Anonymous)

Last night was rather bleak and a bit macabre, but today has redeemed itself. Sometimes an unexpected friend is the loveliest thing on the planet.
Rather exciting, today was. I felt very Home and Garden Show-ish putting together furniture and hanging mirrors and arranging curtains. The apartment is still on the bare side, but little bits of Cozy Sanctuary keep poking through.
I will be away for the next couple of days, busy Retreating (Literally? Find out after this word from our sponsors...). Stay tuned, and I promise to update after a weekend of Impact proportions.

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:: Bethany Bassett - 12:53 AM :: + ::

"Rainy days and Mondays always get me down..." (The Carpenters)

Normally I love rainy days, but...
I'm too pessimistic right now. I'll update later.
*Sniff*

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:: Bethany Bassett - 7:22 PM :: + ::

"I'm a meth lab first rehab..." (Red Hot Chili Peppers)

If any of you happen to be awake right now too, I recommend MST3K's version of "The Eye of Argon". A few parts venture on crudeness, but it can be quite an experience when one is sleep deprived.
Today, you all should play with your cereal. Eat only the marshmallows from your Lucky Charms. Categorize your Froot Loops by color, size, or pi. Impersonate a dinosaur chewing your Grape Nuts. Pick out the Frosted Mini-Wheats with the most frosting. Throw your Cheerios around the room and love the clatter, just like you surely did as an infant.
And have a great day!

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:: Bethany Bassett - 1:35 AM :: + ::

"Feeling myself all of the time..." (Travis)

Sitting in my room, popping bubble wrap, surveying this gentle mess that will soon become chaos blended together for the drive to Longview. Parting with unread books is a sad business -- guilt for not taking the time to befriend them yet. On the shelf, with unbent spine and hopeful pages are Soren Kierkegaard, Mark Twain, John Steinbeck, Stephen King, Alexandre Dumas, Lemony Snicket... Maybe at Christmas I'll shake off the dust and get acquainted.
"The universe is made up of stories, not atoms." ~Muriel Rukeyser
So, this afternoon, I am a pirate, or maybe just a pedestrian on the Hawaiian water... smiling at the sun, but it always wins. No speed limits, no pot-holes, just breeze at 3500 miles per hour... air shimmering with the smell of dryer sheets. Maybe dreams are reality, and when we wake up, that's when the dreams begin? Popscicles and real blue-birds and Tom Hanks dancing around fire, but no one ever gets stranded here. "[Sunburn] cannot assail us here. It has no jurisdiction."
Sweet ethereal chimes and coconut Sobe. So I'm myself. I'll never really be tan, never experience Hawaii, never fulfill my need for speed... but I can sit on my floor and look around at my treasures and know that la vita è bella.

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:: Bethany Bassett - 4:16 PM :: + ::

"[My] hair, it's everywhere, screaming infidelities..." (Dashboard Confessional)

The weekend, it's been interesting. Bittersweet last day of work... enlightening experiences in Deep Ellum... setting up Aloycius... lying in bed with the hugest cold of my life (do I need to remind anyone that it's August in Texas?)... being stalked by a 60-year-old man in the Container Store... Life is full of adventures.
My brain still sounds like Baby Fozzie, so au revoir until I come up with something genuinely interesting to say.

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:: Bethany Bassett - 2:02 PM :: + ::

”With a little sweet and simple numbing me…” (Jimmy Eat World)

If I had written the song “These are a Few of my Favorite Things,” Milky Way Midnight would be in there about 5 times… Just in case, you know, any of you felt the burning desire to send me a little package…
So here’s the theory, formulated during Dr. Batts’ philosophy class:
I don’t believe altruism really exists. Everything in this world is self-motivated. “Ah,” you say, with finger uplifted, “but the Bible teaches us to look out for others above ourselves, to be unselfish, to obey Him without promise of earthly gain.” Yes, but what motivates us to obey the Bible? What is our reasoning behind practicing selflessness?
Even the most severe ascetics are gaining spiritual or mental satisfaction from “denying themselves.” If there were no hope of a clear conscience, blessings from God, or eternal salvation, I can guarantee no one would obey Him. The Bible is full of incentives:
”I am the living bread which came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever.” (John 6:51)
“Lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.” (Matthew 6:20)
”If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)
“And this is the promise that He has promised us—eternal life.” (1 John 2:25)
“We love Him because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19)
The Bible certainly warns against selfish ambition, but it seems to wholly support self-interest. We are supposed to want heaven, to want peace, to want joy and love and everlasting life. And in this context, I don’t believe it’s wrong to be selfish.
“Mm, well, yeah, hmm.” ~Dr. Batts
ByTheWay, this is probably the most accurate name analysis I’ve ever seen, besides the fact that it has cool names like Agamemnon and Quanzeedalpuna. If you ever wanted to bestow upon your children hideous and twisted names with great personal meaning, this is definitely the place to start.

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:: Bethany Bassett - 11:50 AM :: + ::

"It's misty within reason..." (Badly Drawn Boy)

Today you should drive to a place with myriad pedestrians, roll down your windows, and "Whooop!"

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:: Bethany Bassett - 3:38 PM :: + ::

”Wake up the dawn and ask her why a dreamer dreams, she never dies…” (Oasis)

I never sleep without dreams crowding in for first dibs. Last night I had at least 5, and in all of them, I was a professional cat burglar… something like Catherine Zeta-Jones in “Entrapment,” but without the gadgets or the Sean.
I can remember minute details of dreams from when I was 5. Usually, impressions made on my sleeping mind last throughout the day -- rather unfortunate, since most of my dreams are morbid, and extremely few of the rest are pleasant. For instance, a song I wrote in a dream last semester:

“Oh, emptiness fills me.
Sorry;
I wished happiness were mine
As I lay awake dying.”

Which brings me to question… Do dreams really reflect our subconscious impulses? If so, then I am 1) Criminally minded, 2) Psychotic, and 3) Obsessed with death. Maybe it’s true. But if not, then where do they come from? Perhaps they are a random collage of sights and sounds… or the brainchild of a malicious alien force… or alternate personalities showing through. Maybe everyone who dreams should be declared schizophrenic.
By the way, I just discovered that if I strike my putty with hard objects very quickly, shards of the putty will fly up and hit me in the face. This stuff is utterly cool, folks.

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:: Bethany Bassett - 10:30 AM :: + ::

”Almost perfect, almost evil, almost worthy…” (Powerman 5000)

Seems like so much of life is a search for perfection – perfect beauty, perfect personality, perfect wit, perfect skill, perfect quesadillas. Noticing the beautiful aspects in others is refreshing, but carries a twinge of melancholy… like listening to a spectacularly good song, but knowing you can never be fully caught up into its soul.
Why do we not spend more time searching for loveliness within ourselves? Poor self-esteem? Lack of expectation? A modest aversion to selfishness? I contend that we should be more selfish, more interested in our own well-beings. After all, it is Biblical. (Am I creating enough of a controversial stir? I think I’ll wait to explain exactly what I mean… give you all a chance to respond, and have an interesting subject to write about next time.)
Challenge for today: Find something lovely about yourself, and be happy with it! Don’t forget to remember you are a priceless treasure.

P.S. – By the way, nobody won the quotes contest. Ye uncultured masses…
“My beautiful disasterpiece” ~John Mayer
“Love, life, and why” ~Switchfoot
“Darkness between fireflies” ~Mason Jennings
“Falling down the stairs” ~Howie Day
“Blow me a kiss” ~Travis
A million points for me!

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:: Bethany Bassett - 3:15 PM :: + ::

”I’ll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours…” (Bob Dylan)

Current mood: Mocha-fudge ice cream topped with melted peanut butter
Sweet thoughts on a sky-blue background… 4 hours of sleep are so much more pleasant than 8; half as much to weigh you down as you awake. Unmet friends are lovely. Brick walls are only molecules of color - I could slip right through. I’m so glad that I’m me.
No words choking through a labyrinth of brain and body. Just me. Impulses, fleeting thoughts, “paper fairy wings” soaring through the space between… Wind that is a kiss where sunbeams failed… Possessed by a luscious whirlwind caught up in a dreamy afternoon lull… I feel like meeting Peter Pan today, everyday, flying with him forever into youth and adventure.
Have you ever craved for someone to notice the little things about you? That your nails are of perfectly identical length, that your eyes have glints of turquoise when the sun is just right, that your elbows are extra smooth, that your shoes coordinate with your eyeshadow?
I hope for each of you that your day is pristinely beautiful and light-years away from the beaten path.

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:: Bethany Bassett - 1:02 PM :: + ::

“Day after day, and life goes on…” (Doves)

On my drive to work this morning, a Mack truck tried to kill me three times! A few minutes later, as I was pulling into the parking garage, another truck attempted to demolish the rear end of my car. Do truckers really have no human decency, or am I becoming a magnet for destruction?
I brought my thinking putty along to work, and I think it will single-handedly solve my boredom issues. I’m still staring blankly into the vast yonder, but at least my hands are occupied.
Oh, and Onions on people who say they’ll get back to you and never do.
Perhaps my next entry will be more full of happiness, joy, and the milk of human kindness. Stay tuned…

P.S. - You get a million points if you can figure out all the unspecified quotes without using a search engine. (i.e. - "My beautiful disasterpiece...", "Falling down the stairs on purpose...", etcetera) Maybe I should turn it into a contest and give away free Evil Truck posters to the first 50 callers...

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:: Bethany Bassett - 10:28 AM :: + ::

"Customized relationships..." (Howie Day)

As an apology for not updating this weekend, you all get a special reproduction of a journal entry from my earlierst teen days. By way of reference, I was very bitter over a Jonathan Lindvall conference I had just attended.. You will have to excuse my rambling sentence structure and gross misuse of pronouns; I was 1) Young, 2) Distraught, and 3) Impersonating a man I didn't like.
"A Lesson Upon Courtship
As a result of my being literally holier than thou, my religion requires that I follow the worthy Amish principles of courtship. And thus I shall have to say that I am forbade to be within even toenail’s length of another girl even to my death and I must live no closer than exactly 6 hours away from any PERSON whom I should wish to court. But of course I cannot even consider that until at least 15 years of non-stop prayer and fasting to see if I may even look upon a PERSON and then we may be so richly blessed after procuring permission to court from my parentals and thine and my pastor and his wife and thou pastor and his wife and great-grand parentals and the president of the Southwestern Baptist Church of God Our Father United First Methodist Church Institution and his parentals. And then we shall be blessed with the great and holy delight and joy of the writage of spiritual and deep theological and psychological epistles to each other that we may read to each other only in the presence of the parentals of all mentioned and only while sitting at least across the room from each other, but across the house is better. And then after no less than 3 years of deeply considering our holy union, we may one day be wed at the combined age of 64 and thee twill wear a veil over your face till the day you die, and I shall take the hand of your father in mine as I may not touch thee even until mine death bed and thee and I shall be united in holy matrimony and then we shall make haste our separate ways, each to his own house and there we shall live happily ever after at least 3 hours away and have at least 26 kids in 4 years and never even consider touching each other, nor even removing thine veil over thou eyes nor even speaking to each other from a closer distance than 40 feet till the day we die till death do us part forever and ever amen."

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:: Bethany Bassett - 12:43 AM :: + ::

"Life is hard, and nature eats you." (Realism, according to Dr. Watson)

Yet another day at work with NOTHING to do. I'm beginning to wonder if I was hired on the basis of charity -- "Aww, poor college student. Let's pay her more money than she's ever seen in her life to sit in her office and stay out of everyone's way."
This is not entirely accurate, as I have had plenty of challenging assignments up until 2 weeks ago. "Out of sight, out of mind" is how one co-worker describes my situation; I am too quiet and efficient, not to mention that my office is in the opposite end of the building from my boss. I guess it hasn't occured to him in a while (despite my mentioning it) that I am being paid to sit in a comfortable leather chair and tear up sticky-notes from boredom. Of course, he occasionally asks me to watch his 2-yr-old terror child, who would much rather scream and rip apart legal documents than let me come within 10 feet.
I know that I should be productive, regardless. The best plan I have is to ruin something so I can fix it on company time. Two ideas come to mind... 1) Infiltrating the system with a computer virus that I can then debug, or 2) Founding an oil company, getting sued, and hiring myself to represent me at trial. Or maybe I could just throw confetti everywhere and spend the rest of my time here picking it up from under people's feet. That's job security for ya!
There is much more I could say, but I won't. If you are hungering to hear more ranting over this company, you can check out Paula's blog. The "DP" featured in her writing is my boss.) Please tell me that all of you out there have workplace woes as well!

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:: Bethany Bassett - 3:35 PM :: + ::

"Pink moon, pink, pink, pink, pink..." (Nick Drake)

Last night I dreamed that my mom suddenly began to shave my head so that the dentist could drill a hole in it. I flipped out because, after all, she hadn't even let me go wig-shopping yet! With half of my head naked, I jumped from car to car (a la Tom Cruise in "Minority Report") to find a wig, but couldn't find any.
I feel like I have to make two disclaimers of sorts.
1) I did not mean to seem bitter in my post yesterday. That was more of a generic rant than a personal exposé.
2) I realize that this has turned out to be more mid-day than "late-night conniptions." Sorry for the false advertising. See, I normally get home between 9 and 11:30 at night. I do mull over the thoughts I later post here, but I am usually too tired to do anything but play Snood (or, thanks to AmyBonner, Insaniquarium) and go to bed. I suppose once I get back to school, I won't have the luxury of going to bed, so this blog will stay more true to its late-night origins.
Three cheers today for sunbeams, money, and no sales taxes (although I was contrary and did all my shopping yesterday, because frankly, I don't enjoy doing things the way everyone else does)!
Have a great one, folks.

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:: Bethany Bassett - 9:40 AM :: + ::

“Men – they’re here to rock your world!” (TV Commercial this morning)

Every female born into this world should come with a book explaining exactly how each man she will ever meet will feel about her, and how she should respond in each situation. You menfolk have it easier than you know… “Will you go out with me?” How hard is it to ask 6 monosyllabic words and leave the results up to the gal?
Meanwhile, take a peek into the female mind: “Oh no, not this question! If I say yes, I might get into an imbalanced situation in which I feel stifled and begin to pull away, causing him to try even harder, pushing me further away, ending in an emotional and confusing break-up! On the other hand, maybe he really does like me a lot, and if I said no, he would go into hibernation and his eyes would forever hold the look of a betrayed and deeply-wounded puppy. But if I said yes, and we ended up in a functional relationship, it would hurt him even more when I broke it off… after all, I can’t see myself ever marrying him! Of course, he could be Mr. Right and I could be passing up my one chance for lifelong bliss. On the other hand, he could just be one of those needy, possessive guys, or maybe a player who will virtually ignore me after I agree to a relationship. He is a fun guy to hang out with… but I don’t really know him all that well, and jumping into a dating relationship would only make things awkward. So I’ll tell him I only want to be friends. But what if he’s the kind of guy that takes 'Just friends' as a more acute rejection than a flat-out 'No'? Or what if he’s the kind of guy that takes 'Just friends' as a shy 'Yes' and never leaves me alone again? Or what if he understands 'Just friends' to mean 'Just friends', but we can never feasibly be friends because of the awkwardness of knowing he once asked me out? So I can’t say 'Yes,' I can’t say 'No,' and I can’t say 'Just friends.' That leaves 'Maybe,' which leaves the whole situation unconcluded, giving him unnecessary hope or plaguing him with the unnecessary anguish of suspense. Oh, why did God have to make men? Why? Why?”
I have to wonder sometimes if guys are clueless as to the mental agony they produce. Or do they go through mental agony of their own? (“Inconceivable!”) If you have any insight, by all means, share!

Labels: Yore

:: Bethany Bassett - 11:30 AM :: + ::