:: Tuesday, May 30, 2006 ::

"She's only happy in the sun..." (Ben Harper)

And now, for old times sake, the very first book I ever wrote (and illustrated!):

Princess Serena and the big fire
by Bethany Smith
Made in the U.S.A., Age 7

Chapter 1. Meet Serena
Once upon a time, far, far away, in a snow covered glistening land, there was a golden street that led to a shining, crystled, snowy, golden castle. Golden pillars rose tall and strait on marble floors and A big strong iron door. Inside the dim castle walls, in her royal chamber, A beautiful princess was getting ready for a stroll in the peaceful moonlight by the frozen lake.
[Illustration: Lavish canopy bed with porcelain doll, round prison-esque window, and Princess Serena]
A polite, kind, and courteous young prince called Prince John had asked the beautiful princess named Serena to take a walk with him. Serena had on a beautiful cotton shawl, A dress shirt with a sparkling dimond on the bottom, glass slippers, A gorgeous skirt with pearl chains and bows with streamers looped around, A fancy robe to go around the skirt, lace elbow gloves and a rose for her hair. Her golden hair was beautifly curled and her pale skin was whie. She went out to the flower garden where the maid had supper on the garden table. When she had eaten she hurried to the lighthouse which was what she and Prince John had agreed to for a meeting place. There weren't any ships on the lake, but Serena loved to look at the light sparkling on the frozen lake on dark nights. She gazed at the water then found Prince John and started their walk in the moonlight. Serena was singing softly and John enjoying every bit of the walk when they met a rough man smoking a big cigar.
[illustration: Stars, questionable trees, Princess Serena and Prince John (who looks like Gumby) smiling despite the Amish-looking cigar smoker walking between them]

Chapter 2. Fire!
"Hello," the man said gruffly. "I'm Phillip. Who are you?" "I'm Prince John and this is Princess Serena," replied John. "That so?" asked Phillip raising his eyebrows. "I've heard about you two." "Please don't think I am silly and forgive me but the smoke chokes me and I fear my eyeballs are watering," said Serena. So Phillip dropped his cigarette and Serena felt better. But before she knew it a big fire was rushing towards her, and angry flames leaped upward to heaven and Serena relized she was just five feet away from the blazing heat. She screamed so loud John almost thought he'd jump to heaven. But he didn't. Instead he grabbed Serena and they raced off to the woods. Soon the roaring fire was rushing after them. Serena kept on screaming but all the little animal didn't pay attention beacause they knew all about forest fires from their parents. A pack of wolves were racing behind so Serena screamed all the louder and ran faster beacause she feared the wolves were chasinng her but they weren't. When they came out of the woods John went home. Serena raced up the hill, ran down a little trail, and rushed down the golden street to her house, the beautiful golden castle.

Chapter 3. Rescued
Serena opened the big brass door and entered. She walked down a long hall to a twisty turny curly stair case with golden rails. She scampered up another staircase and walked down a hallway to the third stairway. She went in a door and went up four more staircases to a long, long hallway Where there was just one door. This one door Hapened to be made of pure gold. This door led to Princess Serena's seventh story room. There was a beautiful pink and white bed with a canopy on top and pink pearl posts. There Were heart, circle, and square shaped pillows. On the bed lay a beautiful doll named Emily Melissa Joy. On the window seat five other dolls lay with more pillows. A fancy carved wooden polished chest was in the corner and a fancy mirror. Soft carpet, lacy curtains and wall paper made the room lovely. A glass door led out to a royal balcony. Serena Went out on the balcony and plopped herself in a seat. But what she saw horrified her and caused her to jump up. The house was burning. She was stuck up here and could not get down. The only thing to do was jump. Serena took a deep breath, climbed to the top of the banister and jumped. She felt herself falling down, down, down, up! Serena was riding Prince John's golden horse with dimond and Pearl wings. Prince John had a long hose and was squirting the fire. A load "Wora Wora Wora" startled Serena. Firetrucks! Who had called them? Prince John! Serena turned around on the seat and gave him a slight squeeze as if to say "thank you very much." "Come to my castle with me," invited John. "You'll like it there. And my mother died recently and I'm sure her clothes would fit you."
[Illustration: Diminutive Serena and John with a highly connotative hose on a one-legged flying horse spitting stars]
"Yes. I will come with you to your castle," Serena told him. Soon the couple was at Prince John's castle. They went down to the royal pond to watch the colorful fish and hear the March frogs and Peeppers. It was then that John asked the big question. "Will you marry me?" he asked. "Yes I will, darling," said Serena. The next week they married and had a splinded dance in the flower garden afterwards. Then John brought Serena home in the royal coach.
[Illustration: Stagecoach with two ponies arriving at castle with five imposing turrets.]

Chapter 4. Mother Serena
At the wedding dance everyone went out to the flower garden. Big tables of food were spread out on the grass and music played. Everyone danced and danced. Then the good food was served. Princes Serena Was beautiful as she steped daintly into the royal coach, her arm hooked in Prince John's arm. The new castle had 1,000 maids and 1,000 servants and 1,000 cooks. The castle was onehundred years old and made of rubies, dimonds, emerald, Topaz, Pearls, gold, silver and bronze. It had Ten thousand rooms encluding halls and balconys. The chairs were red satin, velvet, and gold. The tables were glass and gold. Her new room was just like her old one, only higher and Prettier. She was on the one hundrenth story with the most beautiful room in the world that was made for the most beautiful girl in the world which was Princess Serena. One day Serena noticed she was pregnat. She sang aloud on her balcony And cried herself to sleep for Joy. The next month Serena held a little baby girl in her arms. Her named was Megan Sara. She was beautiful baby with soft blonde hair and a beautiful pink smile and soft blue eyes. She was a real princess.
[Illustration: Baby sitting, brandishing a scepter, in an ornate cradle, and a very flat-chested, bun-headed Serena in decidedly ugly clothes saying "La la la"]
Little Princess Megan Sara grew and learned to walk and talk and dress herself and stitch and cook. And she and Her parents lived happily ever after.
The End

Now accepting bids for the movie rights.

Labels: Broiled Brain

:: Bethany Bassett - 10:06 AM :: + ::

"I better be quiet now, I’m tired of wasting my breath..." (Elliott Smith)

Ooh, a bit of controversy! I think homeschooling might just be as divisive an issue as religion or politics. I don't really want my blog to become a source of anger, outrage, or hate mail, so... Baby pictures!


Hammocks are my new extreme sport



Natalie crying because she was dying of thirst but was not going to drink by herself. Cruel parents.

Labels: Christmas Newsletter

:: Bethany Bassett - 9:02 AM :: + ::

"We don't need no thought control..." (Pink Floyd)

One more reason why I don't agree with homeschooling. (There are many more... but I'll spare you the rant.)

Labels: Broiled Brain

:: Bethany Bassett - 11:37 AM :: + ::

"I want to turn the whole thing upside-down..." (Jack Johnson)

So far, everyone seems to think that Natalie looks just like her daddy, though whether I'm her mother is debatable. *Sniff, sniff* What do you think?

Labels: Christmas Newsletter

:: Bethany Bassett - 10:34 AM :: + ::

"Y'all don't know what it's like being male, middle-class, and white..." (Ben Folds)

Today, I watched "Pimp My Ride" and "Wild 'n Out." Yeah. I'm ghetto.

Labels: Christmas Newsletter

:: Bethany Bassett - 9:01 PM :: + ::

"That’s just who I am this week…" (Fall Out Boy)

Me ≠ green thumb.
I was ridiculously excited at the idea of planting gardens this spring. I said they were for practical purposes (beauty, squirrel food), but really, I just wanted to make something alive.
I started with seeds (seeds are cheap, plus you can grow approximately 50 acres from one packet!) and waited. And waited. And waited. The sweet peas didn't grow. The daisies didn't grow. The basil didn't grow. The oregano didn't grow. The parsley didn't grow. The rosemary didn't grow. The tomatoes didn't grow. The only things that grew were weeds and weeds and pansies. (I returned all the seed packets to the store. The customer service lady looked at me like I was a mental patient.)
Gardening take two: half-grown plants from the store. Much better. So I didn't make them grow, but at least they were alive! I planted all my new flowers and herbs, then carefully transplanted about 40 of the pansies into the front flower bed and waited for everything to bloom.
When the pansies reached about 2 feet tall and showed no sign of flowers, I started thinking they might not be pansies after all. In fact, I had very carefully transplanted 40 mutant weed-trees into the flower bed. Brilliant!
The moral of the story is... Don't buy seeds. The pictures on the packages may be very shiny and lead you to believe that those seeds will end up looking just like the world's prettiest tomato plant, but they're lying. Plants grow from magic, not seeds.

By the way, I have a MySpace now. I haven't really found a purpose for MySpace, though, except for stalking people. ::evil grin::

Labels: Christmas Newsletter

:: Bethany Bassett - 4:52 PM :: + ::

"You know that I would now, if only I could..." (Jack Johnson)

Good news (great, even): I'm writing again!
Bad news: I'm not writing much on here.

I know I'm neglecting my blog, but my creative energy is not good at multi-tasking yet. Apologies!

Labels: Christmas Newsletter

:: Bethany Bassett - 2:22 PM :: + ::

"The sun's coming up,
She's pulled all the blankets over,
Curled in a ball, like she's hiding from me, and
That's when I know
She's gonna be pissed when she wakes up
For terrible things I did to her in her dreams..." (Ben Folds)

Lyrics say everything best...

Labels: Broiled Brain

:: Bethany Bassett - 10:03 AM :: + ::

"Gravity, stay the hell away from me..." (John Mayer)

Two weeks! Bad, Bethany, bad. So:

Tutored, tutored, tutored.

Almost-but-not-quite finished Blue Like Jazz. Decided to like people more.

Showered friends' babies.

Worked on abysmal yard. Ended up with slightly less abysmal yard and very abysmal poison ivy.

Despaired for days over insurmountable sticky-note to-do lists. Then realized I am surmounting them. Despaired over wasting so much time despairing.

Got husband hooked on heresy.

Went to a seminar about free food for the free food and ended up not eating any (didn't want to look desperate).

Traipsed around DC with my little family and Watson. Uber-fun, even in the Holocaust Museum, where Natalie ran around the kids' concentration camp shrieking with joy.



Baked butt bread (the best!).

Ultimately frisbee-ed.

I could go on, but you should probably get back to your sticky-notes too.

Labels: Christmas Newsletter

:: Bethany Bassett - 11:41 AM :: + ::