:: Wednesday, October 23, 2002 ::

"Money, money, money..." (N'Sync)

Chapel speaker this morning was from WTTB, here to educate us about "Secrets of the Vine." He was one of those too-charastmatic speakers; every single word was emphasized with a yell and a "Yes, I learned inflection at seminary" smile.
"Jesus! said! 'I! am! the! Vine!' Do? you? understand? how? sig! nif! i! cant! that? is?!"
In the first 5 minutes, I learned that John 15:1-5 holds the secrets to "abundance" (the ones not found in the Jabez Prayer, I assume). "These were never intended to be secrets, but you've made them secrets by reading too quickly to see what Jesus really intended!"
Oh, please enlighten us!
"You are the branches -- a little gnarly, but still alright! Fruit is the product of good works! Fruit is good works! You! can! do! good! works! which! result! in! fruit! You! have! to! do! fruit! However, you have chosen not to bear fruit by buying into the myth that you only have to abide! But no! You have to go! bear! fruit!
"Are you being an irresponsible branch? Come back tonight to hear the 4 levels of fruit as I unlock the secrets of the vine! I promise you'll walk out much more fruitful than when you came in!"
Maybe I was supposed to walk out fluttering my hands like a junior high cheerleader, screaming, "Omigod, like, I totally had NO idea! Thank you for unlocking the secrets of the vine for me! Do you think Bruce Wilkerson is single?"
I have actually learned one fool-proof plan for easy wealth through The Prayer of Jabez and Secrets of the Vine... Stay tuned for Part II.

Labels: Yore

:: Bethany Bassett - 1:11 PM :: + ::